As I heal, the term “boundaries” comes up a lot. I don’t want to hurt anyone, including myself.
To feel emotionally safe, I need to know that if I’ve done something to upset someone, they will tell me. I need to trust that when they tell me, it won’t be through aggression, yelling, insults, or threats—nor through passive aggressive behaviours like sarcasm, backhanded compliments, stonewalling, or ghosting.
To feel emotionally safe, I need to know that when I feel hurt by someone, I can tell them and they won’t explode nor shut me out; that we can engage in conversation about it.
As I heal, I learn about attachment styles and how they affect all of my close relationships (not only romantic ones). I learn what a secure attachment looks like; emotional regulation; and interpersonal skills such as communication. I understand that all relationships take two, so if I want emotional safety, I, too, must hone these abilities so I can provide it.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, however I also don’t want to be hurt. As I heal, I’ve learned that setting and holding boundaries is how I respect me, my time, and energy. I can promote love and kindness every day and still choose to not invest in any relationship that I don’t feel emotionally safe, connected, nor respected in. I’ve had a great deal of practice with setting and holding boundaries. Although it’s rather confirming that the boundary was needed, it’s still hard when that boundary is met with aggression.
I wish everyone love, inner peace, and healing; including myself, which is why I have boundaries. To anyone who’s struggling with putting up or holding a boundary right now, you’re not alone; my heart is with you. 🫂
Sometimes when we set boundaries and others have no idea what boundaries are or they're sensitive When someone tells them now is not a good time. People feel insulted or hurt by the boundaries other people set. If you have any advice on this Amy I really appreciate any input.